Mood Swings
| May 19th, 2011Occasionally I wonder whether or not I’m bipolar. All it takes is one small experience – or one little negative thought – and suddenly I’ll feel totally depressed. Shortly afterward, however, I may have one small good experience – or a little bit of my own reassurance – and only a moment later, I’ll feel great again.
I will not discount the fact that my emotional reactions are likely normal in such situations, and I will not discount that I probably have no real mental illnesses whatsoever. Frankly, despite AP Psychology, my knowledge of mental ailments is cloudy. The line between true bipolar disorder and regular mood changes escapes me. The worrying thing about my brief emotional shifts though is that they are actually quite extreme.
Technically there really isn’t anything for me to be depressed about. When I put my life in perspective, I am one of the most fortunate individuals in the world. I have everything I could ever need. I live extremely comfortably. I have a job. I have an education. I have a family who loves me. Even with these things, even with living much more nicely than a homeless Somalian teenager who must regularly scavenge for food, my emotional disposition tends to hit rock bottom at times.
Comparing your lifestyle to that of a third-world country’s is admittedly cliche… and to a greater extent, corny. I’m not claiming that as a first-world middle-class American citizen, I shouldn’t have any problems. Of course I have problems. Everybody has problems. Mine are particularly regarding my job (among other things). For example: Sometimes I’ll have a bad day at work. I’ll make a couple of mistakes. I’ll run into some impediments that that keep me from accomplishing what I need to accomplish, and the result is a very unproductive work day. I’ll feel bad about it – no, REALLY bad about it – and I’ll worry about what my boss thinks of me, what my coworkers think of me, I’ll even worry about job security. That’s how low I get.
Then, I’ll feel great, because my boss actually approached me and praised me for one thing or another. Everything is good again.
Then, as I’m driving home, I’ll wonder if I should buy gas or not, and I feel terrible again because I know I spend so much money on crap I don’t need. It sucks.
Then, at dinner, I’ll be eating a sandwich, and I’ll feel awesome. Because I’m eating a sandwich. A large, juicy, sandwich. A goddamn delicious sandwich.
And it just repeats itself.
Don’t worry about it Dan, it’s probably just menopause. On the other hand:
http://dissidentvoice.org/2011/05/what-underlies-psychopharmacology/
It’s not corny really to compare your situation to that of someone in a third world country…some types of therapy actually suggest that that can be quite therapeutic. Maybe it would be good to see about going to some counseling to figure out what is going on with you? Sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone who really is just a stranger with no bias about what you should or should not do. You’re not seriously mentally ill or anything, but when you consider the genepool we come from, we’re all likely to have some sort of depression or anxiety pop up at some point in our lives. I can maybe help you find a counselor if you want to, just let me know. Love you, little brudder!
oh man, so true Jen! I’m pretty sure we all have a touch of some kind of mental problem. Yeah, maybe some counseling would be good, Dan.
I’ve had days like that at work before, too. And it’s especially bad since my work can be so subjective; If I don’t hear from my clients right away, I worry that they hate my designs and I’ll lose the job. It’s just so silly.